Choo Choo

I'm turning 40 in 9 days, and I know what I'm getting from my birthday. From Ben, at least. Ben started wearing underwear on Saturday; he was ready, and he is doing terrifically well. But he's concerned about my underwear. It's plain and white. He said, "I'll get you Thomas the Tank Engine underwear for your birthday, daddy." It's a deal!

Well, This Is a Fine Turn of Events

Before I even turn 40 later this month, I find that someone is out to get me (and a million other people). (I did not make this up. It would be very hard to write this funny.)

Hello

I am very sorry for you , is a pity that this is how your life is
going to end as soon as you don't comply. As you can see there is no
need of introducing myself to you because I don't have any business
with you, my duty as I am mailing you now is just to KILL you and I
have to do it as I have already been paid for that.

Someone you call a friend wants you Dead by all means, and the person
have spent a lot of money on this, the person also came to us and told
me that he wanted you dead and he provided us with your name ,picture
and other necessary information's we needed about you. So I sent my
boys to track you down and they have carried out the necessary
investigation needed for the operation on you, and they have done that
but I told them not to kill you that I will like to contact you and
see if your life is Important to you or not since their findings shows
that you are innocent.

I called my client back and ask him of your email address which I
didn't tell him what I wanted to do with it and he gave it to me and I
am using it to contact you now. As I am writing to you now my men are
monitoring you and they are telling me everything about you.
Now do you want to LIVE OR DIE? As someone has paid us to kill you.
Get back to me now if you are ready to pay some fees to spare your
life, $15,000 is all you need to spend You will first of all pay
$8,000 then I will send a tape to you which i recoeded every discusion
i hade with the person who wanted you dead and as soon as you get the
tape, you will pay the remaining $7,000. If you are not ready for my
help, then I will carry on with my job straight-up.

WARNING: DO NOT THINK OF CONTACTING THE POLICE OR EVEN TELLING ANYONE
BECAUSE I WILL KNOW.REMEMBER, SOMEONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL WANT YOU
DEAD! I WILL EXTEND IT TO YOUR FAMILY, INCASE I NOTICE SOMETHING FUNNY.
DO NOT COME OUT ONCE IT IS 7:PM UNTIL I MAKE OUT TIME TO SEE YOU AND
GIVE YOU THE TAPE OF MY DISCUSSION WITH THE PERSON WHO WANT YOU DEAD
THEN YOU CAN USE IT TO TAKE ANY LEGAL ACTION. GOOD LUCK AS I AWAIT
YOUR REPLY via mail,killerofsoul11@gmail.com